after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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