its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
