a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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