I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
