I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
