it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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