So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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