I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
