I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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