I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
