Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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