just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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