I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
