Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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