there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize