I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
