Say something about gay babies.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
