Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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