God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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