Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
