your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
