i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think my moral compass just broke
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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