So gin and wine won't be happening again
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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