I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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