all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
