bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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