I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
