I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
