Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
