You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
