I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
