I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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