The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
