You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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