Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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