Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
