any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
