I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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