so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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