i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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