i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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