I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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