U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
