Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Randomize
