You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Randomize
