Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
