i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You smell like stripper and shame
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
