he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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