we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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