Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
