what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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