doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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