the condom got lost in my hair
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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