i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
