grandma shit on top of the toilet
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
