The maid of honor just puked.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
