You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
