My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
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a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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