This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize