this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
