Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
