I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
