Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
