Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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