I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
