Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
