We got so high we made milksteak
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
