Duck Duck Cougar?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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