dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
