Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
