She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
