I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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