never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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