i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
