Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
vagina is talking i cant
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
