Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
