So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
