i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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