I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
