Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
